Book Review: #GetOpen

Craig Gross is the founder of XXXchurch.com, and has been helping folks find healing from sexual sin for over 10 years. In July 2013 he published Open: What Happens When You Get Real, Get Honest, and Get Accountable.

Open is being highlighted here on The Relentless Fight because of its challenging call to radical honesty, and how it equips people with strategies for accountability. Battling sin with brothers and sisters by your side is vital in the fight, and this book tells you how to do it.

Craig Gross is a Christian and has written other books that even have Jesus in the title, however in this book Craig does not mention Jesus or explicitly build his case from Scripture. The strategies are biblical and helpful, but only AFTER you build on the foundation and power of the gospel. The motto of The Relentless Fight is to "Remember the gospel and keep fighting", and this book is an excellent resource for the "keep fighting" part by providing tactics and best practices for accountability relationships, either one-to-one or in groups.

Hopefully nonChristians will read the book and be motivated to become open with others, and strive to fight their sin. But at the end of the day, without the foundation of the gospel, there is no problem OR remedy. Without a biblical worldview, there's no problem: why should anyone STOP looking at porn or lying on their taxes or stop their unhealthy eating habits? Why introduce this time-intensive structure of accountability? Why change at all? And without the gospel, there's no remedy: our best efforts are based on OUR own strength and will quickly fail us. John Owen had incredible insight into this; he said we should by all means seek to restrain sin in unbelievers, but that it should NOT be our MAIN end for them, but rather first conversion. Owen writes, "Let men know it is their duty, but in its proper place; I take not men from mortification, but put them upon conversion. He that shall call a man from mending a hole in the wall of his house, to quench a fire that is consuming the whole building, is not his enemy. Poor soul! ...You set yourself against a particular sin and do not consider that you are nothing but sin." (Of The Mortification of Sin in Believers, page 85 in the edition Overcoming Sin & Temptation)

Once you have the biblical foundation of conviction that you need to change (that your behavior is sin), AND the biblical remedy of the gospel (that you're a new creation in Christ), one of the best weapons in the fight is to be OPEN with a few close friends who can help you in the relentless fight. Open is recommended as a great resource for strategy AFTER and BECAUSE OF the foundation of the gospel to fight our sin. You can buy the book here.

Remember the Gospel, and #GetOpen,
The Relentless Fight

PS: For more reading on being honest about our sin check out Don't Conceal...Confess And Forsake. And for getting help from others read Brothers in Arms.

Grasping for Hope

Please welcome guest author Melissa Dorrance! Melissa works on staff for DiscipleMakers and has a passion for seeing others grow in their knowledge and love of Jesus Christ. She also loves sunshine, breakfast, and silliness. For anyone who is weary in the fight and in need of some encouragement, this post is for you. 
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“He has caused us to be born again into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead…” (1 Peter 1:3)

Sometimes it’s hard to hope.  You are stuck in your sin, you are drowning in life’s circumstances, or maybe you are just weary of fighting the same battle day in and day out.  The absence of hope is draining: it leads to exhaustion, anger, guilt, despair, and giving up the fight.  Satan seems to have won.

NOT TRUE! The battle is not over, Satan has NOT won, and you should not give up!  We have a hope to hold onto in the midst of the longest, bloodiest battles.  1 Peter 1:3-4 reminds us that we have a LIVING HOPE in Jesus Christ.  This is not a hope that is merely “personified” into an animate idea, but He, Jesus, our Hope, is actually a living, breathing real person.

Jesus as a Living Hope:

1. Death could not bring Him down.  No matter how deep your sin seems to run, no matter how much suffering you are experiencing, you can bank on the fact that it is NOT bigger or stronger than Jesus.  If you put your faith in Him, you have hope because He will win. He is alive.
2. It’s not just that you hope in Him, but your hope is Him. Your Hope went to a cross for you and for your hopeless times so that you would NEVER have to be without Him. And now He promises to live in you through His Spirit.  Radical.  You actually have an embodiment of hope with you always to strengthen and encourage you.
3. Because hope takes the form of Jesus Christ we don’t have to wait for salvation, it is already here. Grasp the hope that is ready for the taking.

God’s Word is full of reminders that we have this hope.  It is filled with promises that should spur us on and remind us of the hope that we always have.  Read them, mediate on them, say them out loud to yourself and then REBUKE Satan and your own flesh (out loud!).  These hope-filled promises are in the Bible for a reason; they are there because they are deeply true. They are testified to from One who is our Living Hope.  Here are just a few:

1 Peter 1:4 “You have an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” You cannot mess it up.

Philippians 2:13 “It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” God has not abandoned you and is still at work!

Ephesians 3:20 “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” You cannot even imagine the works God is doing in your heart and in your life.  Jesus outdoes your very dreams.

Joel 2:25 “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.” What has been lost will be redeemed. 

Jeremiah 29:13-14 “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD.” God is not playing hide-and-go-seek.  He has not abandoned you.  He is there and available.

Have hope!  Jesus is alive; the promises for redemption are not just far away dreams, but immediate realities that can happen in the midst of raging battles. Jesus’ resurrection authenticates the real, tangible truths of the Bible that we can hold onto when despair creeps in.

It is not easy to always choose hope, but if we believe in Jesus it is what we are called to do and it is a gift we receive.  When despair creeps in, cling to your Hope and His promises.  You may not always believe the promises for redemption are true, but you can KNOW that the author of them is true.  And because the author is true and living it means there MUST BE hope and thus that the promises are real.  Sin is being defeated and victory is imminent.

The hope Jesus bought on the cross covers all sin and redeems all brokenness.  He is our hope for today, tomorrow, and eternity.  Drop whatever else you try to put hope in.  People: dead or dying. Money: not a living thing.  Other prophets: dead.  Jesus: ALIVE!

Painfully hoping,
Melissa

Sing the Triumph of His Grace

Please welcome guest author Mark Fodale! Mark works on staff for DiscipleMakers, has a passion to see college students be transformed by the gospel, is a godly husband and father of four, and blogs at The Lion Unleashed. Enjoy his seasoned insight, and may it encourage you in your remembrance of the gospel and fight against sin!
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"True Christianity isn't primarily a matter of control; primarily it's overflowing fullness. That is the triumph of grace". - Raymond Ortlund, Jr.

We've all faced it, haven't we?

In the midst of the fight for holiness, we fail. Often miserably. Indeed, Jesus spoke truly when He said, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is so weak." (Mark 14.38).

And so, I fail. And then ... a disturbing pattern sets in. Its almost like clockwork. At first I am convicted by my sin, saddened by my weakness. And at that moment of sorrow, a familiar "friend" enters the scene - guilt. And that frequent companion whispers to me words of condemnation, "You call yourself a Christian?", and despair, "Things will never ever change."

Yes, its an all-too-familiar pattern.

And, in response, I typically have four reactions:

    1. I spiral downward, weighed down not only by my sin, but also by the guilt & despair over that sin;
    2. I focus inward, kicking and chastising myself for being a failure;
    3. I rest on self-discipline. That is, I promise myself I'll never do it again. I diligently think through structures and disciplines to curb my appetites and passions.
    4. And then I wait ... for the next time I fail.

Sound familiar?

Centuries ago, the prophet Isaiah pointed God's people beyond the false savior of their own guilt and discipline to the true salvation of God Himself.

You will say in that day:
“I will give thanks to you, O Lord,
    for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
    that you might comfort me.

“Behold, God is my salvation;
    I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
    and he has become my salvation.”
- Isaiah 12.1-2

Could it be true?

Isaiah describes an amazing moment - as sin crushes us, as God's righteous anger is known, we can turn to Him with ... thanksgiving! We can rest on Him as our strength and our song! No longer do we need to sing the song of our failures. No longer do we need to feed the tune of our guilt. But we can trust that God knows us, we can rest that He has chosen us, and we can rejoice that He has rescued and redeemed us through Jesus.

That is the triumph of grace!

We do not need to make our sin all about ... us. We do not need to make our sanctification all about ... us. We are freed from the tyranny of self-loathing, self-discipline, and self-doubt.

Instead we can turn to Christ once again, knowing that He came to save sinners.

When we consider the grace of God rescuing us from ourselves, paying the penalty for all of our sins, restoring to us what we have messed up, and giving us far better than all we could ever ask or imagine, we will say with the apostle Paul, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8.31)

So, as you sin, turn to Jesus. Rejoice that He came for such a moment as this. Rest on Him by faith, knowing that forgiveness is yours. And ask Him to use even this moment to make you more like Him.

Repent? Absolutely. But let your repentance lead you to Jesus. Sing of the triumph of His grace.

"No duty is more pressed in the Bible than this, of rejoicing in the Lord always. It is no less a sin not to rejoice than not to repent." - John Trapp

Expect a Hard Long Bloody Fight

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." - Hebrews 12:3-4

In the fight against sin, what do you expect? This is a vitally important question to answer, because our expectations influence our attitude and response in the midst of the fight.

It's common in the Christian life to expect our fight against sin to be easy. We can think, "Great! All I need to do is repent once in a big display of vulnerability and contrition, have God wave His magic wand over my struggles with porn, drugs, cutting, food, depression, anger, impatience, selfishness, and BOOM... healed! Just quick, easy, clean, once-and-done healing. Sweet deal!"

When this is our expectation, it sets up a very dangerous scenario. As soon as the fight takes longer than we expect, or is harder, or we fail, our world crumbles. We lash out at God. "What the heck God!? I thought you were a good Savior? I thought you were going to help me? WHERE ARE YOU? Why do I feel even WORSE than I did before?" And as the fight drags on, and more failures happen, we begin to grow radically bitter, jaded, and cynical. We begin to forget the gospel, we mistrust God, we become discouraged, and we eventually stop fighting altogether.

What if we had a different expectation? Expect the fight to be:

• HARD, Not Easy: The fight will be hard. Up until this point in your life, you've just coddled and nurtured and aided your sin. But when the Holy Spirit stepped in, your heart was transformed. You were given NEW desires, because you became a NEW creation in Christ. For the first time, you truly FOUGHT against your sin. You went from peacetime to a state of war. This makes life harder than it was before. It means the fight has STARTED for the first time. It's going to be HARD with many painful decisions to cut off your hand, gouge out your eye (Matthew 5:29), repent in radical painful ways. It will cost something. To make it, you will need to be strengthened, and properly equipped for the battle. You will need to train yourself, develop strategies, and enlist help from others. Sober up!! This is brutal. It is no cake walk. John Owen said it well of constant violence, "Always be killing sin, or sin will be killing you."
• LONG, Not Short: The fight will be long. In God's sovereign wisdom, most of the time He allows you to wrestle with a besetting sin for longer than you would prefer. When you realize this difficult truth, you will have a decision to make, if you are going to scrap it and ditch God, or choose to rest in HIS forgiveness amidst your horrible performance. This is radically humbling. The fight will not be over in a few weeks after some 30-day Bible study program. Don't expect change overnight, or even over a year. Growth is best measured in decades, not days. It could take the rest of your life. How will you survive?? You will need the perseverance and endurance that only the Gospel can bring. That is the larger war that you're fighting, to remember and believe the gospel. Only the Cross of Christ provides the kind of empowerment that you need to make it long-term. 
• BLOODY, Not Clean: The fight will be bloody. There will be failures. There will be compromises, betrayals, times when everything in you screams for your sinful idol to be gratified, AND YOU WILL CAVE. Expect this. Expect failure. If you expect it, you won't freak out when you find yourself slurping up the broken cistern toilet water that you vowed never to drink from again. This is pretty normal. Newsflash: You're a sinner, and you can't save yourself. That's the whole point of why Christ HAD to come to save sinners. We could NOT save ourselves. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much self-discipline you muster up, no matter how much you HATE failing, you WILL sin, you will fall, and it'll be YOUR blood on the ground. How can we make it?? You will need the encouragement of the gospel RIGHT AFTER the failure. You will need to stop going it alone, and gather brothers and sisters around you who can point you to Jesus. 

We MUST expect the fight to be hard, long, and bloody. If you have the wrong expectations, you will wind up dead, real quick. Have the proper expectations, and even when things get hard you will be even MORE encouraged. When someone tells you an experience will be hard before you get into it, somehow it becomes easier, because it's helpful to have a proper expectation. It validates your feelings of frustration and difficulty, and it assures you that you’re not crazy. It centers you and gives you a balanced mind. And it sobers you up to get hunkered down for a long-term fight. Get serious! Get sober! This is not gonna be a cake-walk to fight against your sin. Change your expectations!!

Consider three short applications out of this changed expectation:

• Be Encouraged!: Is the fight hard? GOOD, that means you're fighting! Take that as a GOOD sign that you are nearing the enemy stronghold, you are gaining ground.True growth means a harder fight. The ONLY kind of growth is filled with bloodshed and pain. Victory is costly. You will strive and struggle for every INCH of gained ground in the fight of the Spirit vs. the Flesh. When it's hard, that means you're winning. 
• Remember the Gospel: What is the gospel? Hard, long, and bloody. So be encouraged! Your Savior Warrior King is fighting alongside you. This is the kind of fight that HE is best at, the kind of fight that He knows. Dig in for a long term fight. Remember that the Cross is for failures, and it all depends on Christ, who has already won. When you remember the gospel, that means you're winning. 
• Get Back in the Fight: You know what to do. What is just ONE next step you can take to deliver a shocking blow to the enemy? Take a deep breath, call on The God of Angel Armies, and keep fighting until He calls you home. Keep fighting. You're winning. 

Expecting Victory,
The Relentless Fight

Book Review: Love to Eat, Hate to Eat

"their god is their stomach" - Philippians 3:19

Elyse Fitzpatrick is a prolific speaker, author, and discipler of women. She has written over a dozen books and has contributed to the Resurgence on over a dozen blog posts. Published in 1999 as one of her first books, Love to Eat, Hate to Eat is focused on helping women to break out of the bondage of idolatrous and destructive eating habits.

Love to Eat, Hate to Eat is being highlighted here on The Relentless Fight because of how it encourages, empowers, and equips women for the great fight of faith, particularly in the discouraging world of food idolatry.

The book is written to women who feel like they've lost the battle with food, either through overeating, undereating, or struggling with body image (If keywords are helpful: anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating, gluttony, eating disorders, self-image). It's designed to give women a renewed focus and identity founded in what God says in His Word, and then offers practical and relevant methods for change, along with several appendixes of resources.

One nuance to note: Often food and body image is painted as ONLY a women's struggle, similar to how pornography and lust is painted as ONLY a man's struggle. But neither are exclusive struggles for men or women, because sin is an equal opportunity enslaver. Body image and lust are HUMAN problems that both men and women often struggle with. That being said, it is generally true that many men struggle with porn and lust, and many women struggle with food and body image.

Here are some brief highlights from the book:

• Food as an Idol: The book paints a vivid picture of food and body image as an IDOL, as a good thing made into a substitute god. The archetype of "idolatry" (wrong worship) is one of the most helpful and deeply nuanced resources that biblical Christianity brings to bear on our modern struggles with eating disorders and addiction cycles. The title "Love to Eat, Hate to Eat" describes the painful dualistic ambivalence that results from idolatry. We love our idol, and yet we simultaneously hate our idol. Why? Because we believe the enticing promises it makes to us, but feel betrayed and angry when it doesn't deliver and instead backfires with guilt, shame, and death. And food is a horrible idol! It makes crazy rules for you, and when you break them it piles on guilt and condemnation that forces you to run to a false savior. Only Jesus through the gospel can free us from this destructive cycle! "What would happen if you ran to Christ, instead of the refrigerator, to save you from your trouble?" Page 182.
• Focus on Heart Change, not Weight Change: From a worldly perspective, it would be easy to focus on just the behaviors of eating and seek to change those. But the book goes much deeper to the heart, seeking to uncover what motivates us through our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings, and reorients our hearts back to Jesus! "Remember again that our goal isn't merely weight loss (or gain), but rather a heart and life that reflects the great goodness of our heavenly Father." page 187.
• Detailed Strategies and Tactics for the Fight: The author is speaking out of her own personal experience of struggling with food and body image, and because of that she's able to share relevant strategies and tactics for the fight.. So AFTER you've meditated on the gospel and are ready to get back into the fight, and you're wondering "what are some good strategies?" then this book is a fantastic resource!! Elyse identifies godly eating habits through the D-I-S-C-I-P-L-I-N-E-D Eating acronym, which gives 12 questions to help you examine your own heart to see what your motivation is for eating, to bring greater awareness and sensitivity.You can view the DISCIPLINED Eating acronym on her website here. 
• Remember the Gospel, and Keep Fighting: Real change takes a long time, and we often want just a quick fix, as if God would ZAP us in a spiritual microwave to make us instantly holy. So how do we make it for the long term battle? We need to keep coming back to Jesus, and endure in the fight. "The first few times you step into the ring, you might find yourself a little bloodied at the end of the round; but if you keep fighting, you'll soon find yourself standing at the bell. That's because, if you are seeking to please God, He'll be in your corner!" page 186.

In summary, Love to Eat, Hate to Eat is a great introductory resource for folks struggling with food and body image. Practical, helpful, biblical, and focused on God's word and redemption, it is highly recommended. If you struggle, read it. If you don't struggle, you should still read it in order to develop compassion and empathy for friends that struggle, so that you can help and encourage them in this fight. Buy the book here. 

Feasting on God,
The Relentless Fight

PS: Another helpful resource for food and body image struggles is a talk from Mars Hill Church by Crystal Munson on Gluttony.

Right After the Failure

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:26

You've just failed.

You feel horrible. You had promised God you wouldn't do it again.... but you just did. You're ashamed and don't want anyone to know. You feel the weight of guilt bearing down on you, and it makes you angry. "Why do I keep failing? What the heck? Things were going so well, but now... I can't believe I did it again." You may feel discouraged, alone, like there's no way out. You may feel like you're powerless, and it's hopeless. "I'll never change." And God feels a million miles away.

What do you do? What do you do RIGHT AFTER the failure?

What you need in this moment is the Gospel. More particularly, you need encouragement, empowerment, and equipment. And you'll get all that that from the gospel. But first, let's slow it down and take it step by step.

Here are five practical steps for what to do right after the failure:

1. Confess: Name the sin, call it what it is. Agree with God that what you just did.... that was SIN. First confess that to God. Maybe then confess it to a close brother or sister in Christ. 1 John 1 calls us to walk in the light with other Christians, that means being honest and confessing your secret sins. Sin thrives in secret, so one of the first ways to start killing sin is dragging it out into the light. The alternative to confessing is justifying your sin and saying it's not really sin.
2. Repent: Next, repent and turn away from that sin. This is just a decision that you're not continuing anymore. You're turning your back on this junk. You're not feeding this monster inside of you any longer. And as you're turning AWAY from your sin, you're turning TO Jesus. The alternative to repenting is pridefully digging in your heels and continuing to wallow in your life-destroying sin. 
3. Believe: Remember the Gospel!! Remember it! And believe it! Believe that it is true! Believe that the sin that you have JUST committed is PAID for by the blood of Jesus. Remember that you ARE a New Creation in Christ, remember that Jesus has healed all your shame, remember that the Cross is for Failures. The alternative to remembering and believing the gospel is to FORGET what Christ has done and assume that it's all up to YOU.  
4. Rejoice: Get happy! This is GOOD news! You can actually be forgiven of your sins. WOOO HOOOO!!!! Praise Jesus!! Rejoicing is the only logical response to so GREAT a salvation!! This is almost the most important part, because if you can choose to rejoice and praise God for the gospel, then it helps to push you deeper in your belief, and in the act of choosing to be joyful, perhaps our merciful God will GIVE you that true joy in Him. Maybe sing some worship songs, or shout Hallelujah, force yourself to smile, repeat to yourself these truths and THANK God for them. Choose to be grateful. Keep coming back to the gospel, believing it, meditating on it, until the joy fills your soul. PRAY that God would give you this kind of joy (Psalm 51:12) The alternative to rejoicing is the discouragement that comes from focusing on your sin as you forget the good news of Christ's redeeming work. 
5. Fight: And then lastly, as you begin to feel joy fill your heart, as you feel the lifting of guilt from your shoulders (as it passes on to Christ!), as you feel the comfort of the Holy Spirit... FIGHT. You probably know what to do. Pick up your sword, and get back into the fight. Maybe there's some lessons to be learned from this most recent failure? Great, then write those down, figure out a wiser battle plan, and then keep fighting. Enlist some help from brothers and sisters, because you are not alone. The alternative to fighting is surrendering to your sin and getting slammed again and again and again.

So right after you've looked at porn, right after you've cut, right after you've knelt over the toilet, right after you've taken the hit, right after that anger flared up, right after the failure..... confess your sin, repent of it before the Lord, remember and believe the awesome gospel, give thanks and praise to God for such amazing grace, and then get back in the fight with joyful vengeance.

Rejoicing in the Gospel,
The Relentless Fight

Force Feed Yourself the Word

"Man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." - Deuteronomy 8:3

Sometimes you just don't want to read the Bible. Sometimes you're tired, unmotivated, just feel guilty, too busy or apathetic. It's hard to gin up the motivation to do something that feels like drudgery in the moment.

But we are in a war (Eph 6:10-20). And war requires vigilance because of the reality of constant threat. Every day we face the danger of backsliding into old sin patterns and becoming hard in our hearts. Every day we either grow more in Christ, or atrophy in our spiritual muscles. Either victory or defeat in that day's battle.  And wars are won, one battle at a time.

So what are we to do when we don't feel like reading the Word? When we lack the motivation to connect with God? When we're tired of praying? When the Bible just seems like black words on a white page... like just NOTHING is happening?

Force feed yourself the Word. 

That's right. Just simply, DO IT. Don't feel like it? Do it anyway. Just ball up and get it done. So what if it doesn't "taste good", you need to CHOOSE to put that spiritual bread in your mouth and eat it. Consider it a spiritual discipline. You NEED the Word. You'll die without it.

Consider the metaphor of weight lifting. Oodles of men and women have no problem forcing themselves to go to the gym, endure pain and sweat and tears, and CONTINUE to persevere for weeks and months in disciplining their body. Should we not have the same attitude towards our spiritual strengthening? Should we not have even MORE motivation towards Christ?? How much better and more satisfying our Savior is than a few pounds of flesh and muscle!! "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Psalm 119:103)

Consider also that God is PLEASED with your obedience even if it is faltering and half-hearted. Would He like you to RUN towards Him? Sure! But like a proud father of his little daughter taking her first steps, God is pleased with your failings in the right direction. To not have the faith and affection for Christ in that moment, and yet to STILL choose to pursue Christ is a glorious thing. It's like the faith underneath your faith.  It's the sense of the warrior pressing forward in the battle, even though he has no strength left.

And finally, remember the gospel FIRST as you are struggling with your lack of desire for the Word. Jesus died for the deadness of your spiritual taste buds. He forgives you for your lack of affection for Him. Even though you can't feel Him or even care right now... He isn't going anywhere. And doesn't that just make you love Him all the more? Perhaps your heart will come alive again and you will WANT to read the Word. If so, then do it; but if not, then force feed yourself the Word. 

Nom nomz,
The Relentless Fight